Friday, November 02, 2007
Good love is on the way
I've been lonely but I know,
I'll be ok
Good love is on the way.
i pray.
times when im left with nothing much on hand to acheive,
to accomplish,
i have my own personal space to reflect.
on life, on God.
i really thank God for all the friends that i have,
people to have fun with.
but it has yet to reach that point, when i find someone who really is always there for me.
someone who would give up her/his life for me.
its always on my part, to be so active in a friendship.
constantly trying to know a person more,
planning outings to bond.
but there hasnt been a person, who for the sake of getting to know me more,
gave up his/her time to ask me out.
i guess, its tiring, for me to always be the one initiating.
its in me to be such an extrovert. to always want to be around people.
but right now, when i think of it. im sick of being that person.
being that person so active in bonding sessions, in organising activities.
cause i feel, well. why do it? its all for naught.
if i dont do it, no one will do it for me. and i will be all alone in this world ( i do know God is there but thats a different story)
so if no one wants to get to know me more and takes the initiative, then why do it? why make people like you. why attempt to try an improve relationships.
because at the end of the day, they are not doing it of their own initiative and for me. its because i ask them to and it'll well, seem mean not to want to go.
the person who would do it all for me has yet to appear.
Jesus did all for me on the cross.
and i'd boldly say, for some of my friends, i would give all of myself.
but would anyone, do it for me? Jesus did and thats one friend i'll always always treasure.
but it comes to this point where i want to see someone.
someone in this physically realm to even be willing to do that for me.
im really getting tired of being the person im trying to be.
im tired of trying to get to know people more.
friends i know, dont know that much about me.
and how many actually really want to know more about me?
its my character perhaps, that drive people away.
the domineering, vocal person i am.
i should just give up in trying to be the person to initiate.
i just. i dont know.
i just wanna cast it all and just say
" if im lonely, so be it. if no one wants to be a real friend, then so be it"
but i cant.
father. save me.
9:39 PM
